But, the chances of a second one happening? I don't remember the percentage, but it's fairly low. So, we are so blessed (or as I have come to see it as not such a good thing) to be able to get pregnant very easily. About a month later I was expecting again and although a pregnancy after a miscarriage is never an "easy" thing to do mentally, I tried to be as relaxed and confident as I could. Once you hit the 2nd trimester the percentage of miscarriage drops significantly. And of that percentage left over only 1% of baby's are lost are because of Incompetent Cervix. And would you guess? I was one of that 1%. With not much of a warning that things were going horribly wrong we delivered our beautiful baby girl, Korbin at a day shy of 17 weeks. I know of women who have had to suffer full-term loss and I can't imagine the pain they feel, because at 17 weeks, she was already a perfect baby. Finger nails, toenails. Just perfect, just needed to grow and get some meat on those skinny bones. She was 3 1/2 ounces and 7 inches long and had her daddy's "big forehead" as we joked. She was healthy, and it was my body's fault. Not a good feeling.
Thanks to the support of family, friends and most of all, my rock through it all, Randy. We moved on. Never ever forgot, but thankfully, moved on. 3 months later I was pregnant again, and terrified, but had a plan which gave us hope (we also found out in all of this that I had some blood clotting issues, and a uterine septum that most likely is caused my incompetent cervix)! With a cerclage, Lovenox shots, baby aspirin, 21 weeks of bedrest, non-stress tests, and lots of help from those around us we welcomed Kason. Our little miracle baby and absolutely perfect in every way!
Those of you who know me well, know I'm a baby lover. Obviously I wouldn't be working where I'm working if I wasn't! With my little miracle man turning two, we started getting that itch again. And although once again... weren't expecting things to happen quite so quickly (yes yes, I know it has in the past... but I'm almost 30 now so I figured that would change things.). Two weeks after getting off the pill, guess what?! We are expecting again! Wow, shocked is an understatement to how we both reacted. There was a planned vacation, weddings to go to, work I will miss due to bedrest, but as we as we have come to learn: It's not our timing, but Gods. And we were happy about it even though the timing was a bit off.
So, the past 2 days I've asked you to pray. Now, I've spotted with all 4 of my other pregnancies, so wasn't all that worried especially when it didn't last long. Because of our past I wasn't letting myself get "attached" as I know it's only about a 50/50 chance for us that we get to term. I am very thankful that this past Friday and Saturday I spotted a little bit. Had I not, I wouldn't have gone into see Dr R for another week and things could have gone very bad by then.
Tuesday I went in to see my wonderful high risk Dr. R. I can't tell you how amazing this man is! I truly believe that other than God watching over him, he is the reason Kason is here with us today. I was 5weeks and 4 days pregnant which is far enough along that we should have at least seen a sac. As soon as Dr R started the ultrasound he saw a pocket of fluid behind my uterus. He said it is either fluid from a burst cyst or the worst case, blood. He then moved on to my uterus and couldn't find a sac. At this point I'm still very calm (I like to think of myself as a calm person by nature... that can be a bad thing sometimes), probably another early miscarriage and the baby didn't progress to big enough to see or perhaps it's just too tiny to see yet? He said that he wanted to draw some labs and see how high my quants (HCG level) were and if they were higher than 2800 that the baby would for sure be big enough that we should be seeing it in the uterus. He said he would get in touch with me sometime Wednesday at noon. When I saw his number pop up on my cell phone at 5:00 pm on Tuesday I knew something was wrong. My numbers are 3100 - definitely high enough to see the baby. But, there is no baby in my uterus, so where is the baby? Somewhere it shouldn't be: in my tube, which means that fluid he sees is definitely blood. Obviously not a good thing. A tubal pregnancy, or as it is also known an ectopic pregnancy. And guess what? It happens in 1% of pregnancies! Go figure.
How am I so lucky to have these crazy things? Why does this keep happening? Just because I work in OB doesn't mean I need to have all of these crazy pregnancy things!
So, yes. A walking time bomb. Ectopic pregnancies can be very dangerous to the mom. If it goes undetected the mom's tube can burst and cause the mom to lose lots of blood and can be fatal if left untreated. Very scary thing, and even scarier when I'm that mom. So, the treatment is obvious. We have to get rid of the pregnancy before my life is in danger. ASAP. I was supposed to work on Wednesday and asked my Dr if it could wait until Thursday and he said that he didn't feel comfortable even waiting one day, we have to do it Wednesday morning. He said especially with the pocket of blood there. It's not a good sign and that if I have any pain AT ALL to call him right away (usually I would already be having pain... but nothing.) .
What we HAVE to do seems so wrong. I have had that pro-life passion for as long as I can remember. I feel like we are saying to God, "you did this wrong, so now we have to fix it." It is totally against every thing my moral mind/heart is telling me. BUT I have NO CHOICE. To save my life we have to end the pregnancy. I never thought I would be faced with that.
UPDATE from Wednesday
I know a lot of you have heard bits and pieces of the story, so I will fill you in on the rest of the story!
Yesterday we got to the office at 8:30 ready for another ultrasound and to take the shot. HUGE turn of events as we saw much more of the scan then we did less than 24 hours ago. First he looked at my tubes and confirmed what we suspected yesterday. There was something in there and most likely was a pregnancy. He also saw blood, lots of blood seeping out of that left tube and even more in the "pocket" we saw the day before. He said at this point we can not treat this medically and he would have to operate. Wow. He then moved on to my uterus and we were shocked again to see what he thinks is another pregnancy. Did you catch that? One in the tube we have to get rid of, and one to attempt to save in my uterus. Surprise!
An answered prayer. Maybe not asked for in the way I should have been asking our Creator... but non-the-less, proof I needed that He was listening. I needed to see that baby, wherever it may be to help me feel better about the choice I was being forced to make.
They sent us directly to the hospital and since I had eaten breakfast we waited and waited.
Finally around 2pm I was being wheeled down to OR 25. The OR crew was great at keeping me talking and last thing I remember was asking my anesthesiologist if he already gave me something? He chuckled and said, "Ah, you caught me!" I think I was back in the OR about an hour and a half and next thing I remember was asking my nurse every question in the book about how everything went. Since she hadn't heard much yet she had Randy come back since he had already talked to Dr. R, and shortly after Dr R came to answer more and show me the amazing pictures he had taken! Wow!
The final results: There was something large in my left tube that they had to cut out. Preliminary pathology result showed that it was not pregnancy tissue. Very good news! He wasn't sure yet but looks as though it was a cyst and it was very close to bursting my tube hence all of the confirmed blood seeping out everywhere. My left tube remains in-op as he couldn't put it back together. If we have fertility issues later I would have to have a fertility specialist repair it. Hopefully that won't be necessary. On Tuesday I go back for a follow up to see if the baby in my uterus made it through the rough day and to get more blood work done. I'm praying everything is fine... this is probably our last chance as I think I've put Randy through enough, my body has had enough and I know our families have to be tired of getting bad phone calls!
So, not the way I anticipated telling everyone... but, not how I hoped things would go this time around! I was praying we had been through enough that this would be "easy" this time around. I guess having a large family is not in our cards, but are thankful beyond words for the two perfectly beautiful kids we have. So many people tell me how strong I am to have gone through everything and still keep trucking.... makes me wonder... If I have a nervous breakdown will God see I'm not as strong as He thinks I am? ;) Don't worry... I wouldn't do that to you all!
I'm feeling decent, just pretty sore and living on Percocets and bed for a little while. If you stuck through reading until now, thanks for your prayers and concern. I will keep you all updated.
Love you all, and once again, thanks for following our journey.
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